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Yesterday, my friend's cousin went into to find out the sex of the baby she was carrying and the doctor told her that her baby had died. It apparently died within the last week and they think that (with it being her 2nd baby) that it was RH factor (it either hits your 2nd and 4th pregnancies most of the time). I think what's odd is that now we're all waiting for her to go into labor so that she can deliever her baby. Most of us are still in shock. Out of my group of friends, this is the third miscarriage in a year and a half but it is so weird to me because I have never been exposed to infertility before. I come from a family where if you get sneezed you, you get pregnant. One of my cousins has a set of illegitimate twins. The other was known for years as "fertile the turtle" and she is still pushing them out. So to walk into a group of people who have all of these fertility problems is a completely different environment- I can try to comfort them and help them through it, but I'm really bad at it because I can't relate and a part of me (being selfish) hopes that I never have to (because the only real way to relate is to go through it and I don't know if I could handle that). I do want to help them and I feel so bad for them but there's nothing really that I can do. So I just pray for them.
I think the thing that really freaked me out is that i didn't know anyone with fertility issues before I got married and I start to wonder if its one of those "life advancements". You know- like no one really knows what having a wedding is like until a friend gets married or no one can understand you after you go to law school- maybe it's the same with infertility. Maybe there comes a point as you age that it becomes an issue that you are more likely than not to be surrounded with. When I turned 9, my mom told me that I was at a point in my life where I was to young to be old and too old to be young. I have never really felt as if I have been able to grow out of it. My husband and I are always in the middle of where our friends are- and right now we are between our group of friends having babies and our group of friends that are either getting married/trying to find the right person. Most of our friends that are in the "having babies" mode are a couple of years older than us or are our age but didn't go to grad school after college and we realize that it's going to be a WHILE before we are ready for that step. It's just a really weird situation to be stuck in and I don't really like to talk about it because there's not really a lot to say so I thought I would stick it in my blog and get it off my chest so I can go and hide in my books and pretend it doesn't bother me or worry me. I've been having my own version of a quarter-life crisis recently because I've realized that my husband is a work-aholic and that I am going into an occupation where you work 10-12 hour days. It worries me because I don't know who is going to raise my kids. What if I really have worked my whole life to get through school when everyone said that I would never make it, and make it and then have my kids resent me because I am never home. I have seen what some female associates go through when they take maternity leave and people are so rude about them being gone. Obviously, it's not going to keep me from having kids (in my late 20s/early 30s) but it does make me resent the fact that I know that I'm going to have to choose between career and family because I know that after I work that 10-12 hour day that I am still going to have to go home and make dinner and take care of all of that stuff to because my husband is just as committed to his job as I am.
Above all else, it's going to be interesting to see how this year goes. I just hope that if I get a job elsewhere that he will follow me (as he said he would). What's odd though is that I went and did this fortune telling thing the other day and I asked the cards about getting a job next year and I drew a death card and the lady said that it was representative of sadness and that either someone would die or I would have to sacrifice something important in order to take the job I was going to offered. So, yeah, I'm a little freaked out right now. But honestly, just kind of getting it off of my chest helps a lot, plus I don't want to discuss it, I just needed to vent a little.
I think the thing that really freaked me out is that i didn't know anyone with fertility issues before I got married and I start to wonder if its one of those "life advancements". You know- like no one really knows what having a wedding is like until a friend gets married or no one can understand you after you go to law school- maybe it's the same with infertility. Maybe there comes a point as you age that it becomes an issue that you are more likely than not to be surrounded with. When I turned 9, my mom told me that I was at a point in my life where I was to young to be old and too old to be young. I have never really felt as if I have been able to grow out of it. My husband and I are always in the middle of where our friends are- and right now we are between our group of friends having babies and our group of friends that are either getting married/trying to find the right person. Most of our friends that are in the "having babies" mode are a couple of years older than us or are our age but didn't go to grad school after college and we realize that it's going to be a WHILE before we are ready for that step. It's just a really weird situation to be stuck in and I don't really like to talk about it because there's not really a lot to say so I thought I would stick it in my blog and get it off my chest so I can go and hide in my books and pretend it doesn't bother me or worry me. I've been having my own version of a quarter-life crisis recently because I've realized that my husband is a work-aholic and that I am going into an occupation where you work 10-12 hour days. It worries me because I don't know who is going to raise my kids. What if I really have worked my whole life to get through school when everyone said that I would never make it, and make it and then have my kids resent me because I am never home. I have seen what some female associates go through when they take maternity leave and people are so rude about them being gone. Obviously, it's not going to keep me from having kids (in my late 20s/early 30s) but it does make me resent the fact that I know that I'm going to have to choose between career and family because I know that after I work that 10-12 hour day that I am still going to have to go home and make dinner and take care of all of that stuff to because my husband is just as committed to his job as I am.
Above all else, it's going to be interesting to see how this year goes. I just hope that if I get a job elsewhere that he will follow me (as he said he would). What's odd though is that I went and did this fortune telling thing the other day and I asked the cards about getting a job next year and I drew a death card and the lady said that it was representative of sadness and that either someone would die or I would have to sacrifice something important in order to take the job I was going to offered. So, yeah, I'm a little freaked out right now. But honestly, just kind of getting it off of my chest helps a lot, plus I don't want to discuss it, I just needed to vent a little.
posted by Oracle316 | 9:56 AM
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